Alien Mother

 In Boot Hill, Today's Feed

Written by: Collette Cottingham; Boot Hill

“I missed a call from Mother, what is wrong today.”

“I don’t like your voice on this machine, you sound barley awake. It must be all those late nights.”

“No, Mother.”

“Your cousin daughter’s christening is on Saturday. I knew you would forget. It is at 10 am sharp, don’t be late and wear your Sunday best.”

“I know Mother. When have I ever not shown up in my best?”

“There have been a few questionable dresses in the past. If you wouldn’t wear it to church then don’t wear it to the Christening. And be in bed by 11 the night before. I don’t want you showing up with those hideous bags under your eyes.”

“Got it, no trashy dresses and no bags.”

“Oh and don’t mention your career.”

“Not again.”

“We will say you are unemployed and are just focusing on your charity work.”

“Really Mother, I am a successful astronaut. I make good money. Why do you have such a difficult time with this?”

“You know I am proud of you, but what would the neighbors and society think?”

“Mother, this isn’t 1950. The society that has a problem is the one in your mind.”

“Caroline, you don’t even know the questions I have to deal with about you. You are unmarried, don’t socialize, rarely do I see you in church….”

“Mother, I work long hours, I am gone a lot, I have a career, Mother.”

“Thank goodness your grandmother is gone. This would do her in, you a “career girl”. A girl who was successful in my day slept her way to the top.”

“Well mother, we know I didn’t do that, I have bags under my eyes.”

“Caroline, I will see you Saturday at 10 am in your Sunday best and fully rested.”

“Yes mother, I will be there.”

“And remember if you wear open-toed shoes to get a pedicure. No one wants to see those feet. Oh and get a manicure. Your nails are horrible. You must be gentle with your hands.”

“Mother, remember I am an astronaut.”

“See you Saturday darling that is 10 am sharp. And please member to bring both your shoes this time. I really can’t handle any more questions about you. My nerves can’t take this.”

“Mother, I had both my shoes. My feet were killing me in those heels you insisted I wear. I only took my shoes off for a minute. It sounds humorous now, but Linda’s dog took the other one!”

“My mother drives me crazy, obviously since I am talking to my answering machine. I am an astronaut, mother, because I have a desire to be as far away from home as possible. And I believe in alien’s since my mother is one. “

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